The comments on the previous post were up to 150 in total so I thought it was time to start a new post. I was just taking a look at the official RGIS website and I thought this was funny: on the home page, under the title Looking For A New Job? it reads:
RGIS is always looking for qualified people to fill positions worldwide. From part-time seasonal to life changing careers.
It was the life changing careers part that made me laugh, for some odd reason. Of course, RGIS doesn't indicate whether working for them will change your life for better or for worse. Hmmm...
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Google RGIS...
...and this blog shows up in the fifth spot! At least it did today when I Googled it. Anyway, nothing really new to report, I just noticed that the comments on the last post had really piled up and I know some people prefer to read comments when they haven't gone too far over one hundred so here we are.
I'm guessing things are pretty quiet right now for RGIS auditors, what with it being the holidays and all. I hope things will pick up for everyone come January and that the new year is better and brighter for everyone. I know it's hard to think that it will given that you may still be employed by RGIS but hey...it's a job, right? Maybe not one that pays a living wage or that gives you good benefits or treats you as though you were a human being or...ahh, never mind. Screw RGIS!
I'm guessing things are pretty quiet right now for RGIS auditors, what with it being the holidays and all. I hope things will pick up for everyone come January and that the new year is better and brighter for everyone. I know it's hard to think that it will given that you may still be employed by RGIS but hey...it's a job, right? Maybe not one that pays a living wage or that gives you good benefits or treats you as though you were a human being or...ahh, never mind. Screw RGIS!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I Posted These For The Lulz
Over the period of time that this blog has existed there have been a small number of comments made here that for one reason or another didn't get published. But just because they didn't get published doesn't mean that they disappeared altogether. Oh no. I managed to save a few of them and I'm finally giving them their glorious due today. I edited some of them, removing people's full names, clearing out the spam links and inserting some paragraph breaks in the last two comments (both were in single paragraph form) but the rest is genuine. The salty angry language, run-on sentences, punctuation mistakes and glorious spelling errors are all real. Enjoy!
P.S. I changed the layout of the blog. Do you think it was better the way it was before? Is it better now? Let me know in your comments. Thanks!
1. I been working with the company for 3 years and I have seen problems like in any other company my question after i read your blog is if you dont really like the people and how RGIS DM or AM act why dont you look for work in another company ??? if is that bad i dont know why you still there...oh right i just imagine that maybe you are not qualified for a "better" place to work.
2. A great deal of RGIS employees are educated and do this for extra money. I think you are mad because you have no skills, please don't speak for 99.9% of RGIS employees.
3. Who ever posted this probably only work one Penny's and held about a 150 APH I'm a top gun in Wichita D61 and yeah the hours suck the management is a old joke that I'm tired of hearing but I'm fuckin addicted to blowing you fuckin newb ass loser misfits away cause I'm getting paid fat paid. I do this job because I enjoy it, not the people, the work. Besides the world has jobs for misfits that fuck up every thing they do:McDonalds, Burger King, etc. So enjoy your minimum wages cause I'm laughing at you from 3000 mi. away BrokeAss
4. Let's face it, they fired you because you could not count past 15 shithead.
5. your all morons so shut the hell up stop arguing about the name and remember that most people don't care.
6. I came to my computer and saw this crappy blog site on my screen,I ask my husband what was up with this. He goes o i just wanted to see whats been up with RGIS.WHY I said, we worked for RGIS when it was worth working there and it was still crap so why would any body want to be a looser and come blog about this job! its bad enough you all work there, but you take time when your not at that crappy job to talk WOW what a shame, to bad i wont ever be back to to see what you loosers type in response sorry i have a life, and if you see my husband in here kick him out even though he don't work there he still wants to be in the loop WOW he just as bad as you guys gross!!!!!!!!
7. Wow so i gues the 124 district isnt the only bad district. We have A.M's trying to set ppl up firing good ppl and running into the company into the ground. My story is real messed up i was a team leder for them and one of the auditors who is a friend of mine before i became a team leader was helping me out because i got hurt on the job( and they didnt want to help me with that either!) My friend has an A.M living in her house and somebody had already contacted corporate about it and told her if she wants her job that she has to move out and shes still living there!
But anyway my friend she was driving me to the inventories cause she was on my team anyway. the last time i had a store with her my D.M tells me my friend will no be in my tomorrows store knowing i needed her. so that night she was at my house hanging out after work and before she leaves i tell her my fiance to help get the equipment out of her trunk and into my trunk. he pulled everything out except the Labtop that happened to be sitting on the front passenger side floor. i didnt realize her nor him took it out cause he only grabbed what was in the trunk.
the next day when i got to my inventory i opened my trunk to get the equipment and when i noticed No labtop in my car it hit me that it was still in her car so i had to call my d.m to bring me a lab top. after my inventory i told my friend that i left my labtop in her car and she bust out tellin me no i didnt that it isnt in her car! I asked her did you help my fiance take the equipment out and she says no and i said did he grab anything from the front of her car she said he only grabbed from the trunk and i told her the labtop was sitting on the floor of her passenger side and she says that she just got in the car and left and didnt think to see if anything was on the floor of her car.
The D.M suspended me for 6 week before she finally decided to fire me then put me down as terminated for STEALING!Then gave my team to a girl who got fired for fighting and cursing a store manger out. the rehired her 2 months later. she cursed out another manager then 2 days later gets a gray shirt then gets my team but me a labtop gets stolen out of another employees locked car and im unrehirable and then try to say i stole the labtop and i didnt even do steal that carp! And also that a.m who lives my friend. No body likes her and she also has the copy of the key to my friends car! Alot of ppl think it was a set up to get rid of me cause they owe me alot of back pay from my 908's.
8. District 124 is a skam. They don't pay you like they claim if you get it any at all.they pick and choose. K. is very rude and unprofessional and so is B. You call in to tell them something very important has came up and you get yelled at not talked to. They give the travel time and Bounus Pay to their friends they party with who work only when they want to cause they our hung over and did to much cocain the night before so they didnt sleep.Or who they are Kin to.
for exsample E. is a wanted person. But she has a job best friends with a team ledder with a cocain dealer as a husbund(the team ledder)E. has ran around with the team ledders husband drinking and cocaining dealling all night so there for can't work her sch. but yet a singel mother paying and raiseing childern get recommend for missing work.Because of car trouble dental pain and other excussable reasons. guess i should be hiding from the law and a drug /drunker and suck somebody's husbands dick to have a job?
The other team ledder is such a rude as Bitch hell who wants to call and say anything..She hires her own child and tells the working mother well your kid not 18 and can't work so they pertend he didn't pass the test .(dam keep the money in the family I recon) the mother with rent and ch.support and a child to raise hell that Bitch don't need the money. And lets get to how rude the rest of work is they raise their voices talk to you like you don't matter and if their friend or family needs off well then don't matter if you have a excussable reason they write you up if you are not in the KLAN you know the drill.
Cherry pickers that count all the easy stuff and let mention how if they don't like you they will take away from area counted ao add to it. And to the stores well ever wondered why your pre count didnt match. well you should role your tapes back on the count. Check out place such a cosmatics they are short cause they going into the pockets of the counters. I have seen it I have tryed to say something but now I have a job but no schueld so I can't even file for unemployment.but yet I have all these children to care for like I said 2 to pay childsupport to and one at home.
They don't pay you gas or the travel..And don't mess up and help anyone in DRI.124 cause sure at first it is like you get something from they co workers but then it is well I didn't get paid I got you cover comes out their mouth when you hear that take my advise stop giving rides cause next thing you know you are paying 100.0 in gas for two weeks and you get a check for 136.00 for two weeks..so you are the one left standing.. And their friends that are team ledders well the excuss is you shouldn't have helped them knowing they needed it.Just a short storie about Disrt.124
Yes i can prove must everything I said. And got some wittness Like CVS role your camers Family Dollar role your camers you will see.. that Drist. 124 top counters putting the make up in their clothes pouch ect.....
sorry about the spelling I have that drun disablity
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Our Customer's Customers
Most of the inventories that I did for RGIS were either before or after store hours. That is, the store would be closed to customers while we peons, er, auditors counted the merchandise. However, for whatever reason some stores chose to have us inventory their stock while the store was open for business. That kind of inventory could be a headache or a hilarity, or both. A headache because if it was one of those inventories where a lot of verifying would be done then “mistakes” in counting were bound to occur. I mean, if an auditor is counting merchandise and a customer comes along and takes an item that was just counted then of course your totals are going to be off. Or if a customer pulls some items out of one department, wanders around the store for awhile, decides that she doesn’t want those items and then just dumps them in a different part of the store then the counts are going to be off in two different areas. To us RGIS people it would be clear that incidents like this were bound to occur and we wouldn’t expect to have perfect counts. However, to some thick-headed store personnel something so glaringly obvious just never crossed their minds as a possible happening and the areas in question would need to be recounted. Ooh, fun!
But sometimes having the store’s customers shopping right along with us counting could be funny too, in a weird sort of way. I remember this one time when I was doing an inventory at a Toyworks (local independent toy store). It was late morning, and I think I was counting all the Brio or Playmobil or some such crap. This little boy was in the store with his mom. They spent around 15 or 20 minutes in the store and the whole time they were there the little boy kept following his mom around the store saying, “Mama, my butt itches. Mama, my butt itches. Mama, my butt itches.” On and on and on, over and over and over again, for 20 minutes! Jesus. After hearing this for just a few minutes I wanted to yell at the kid, “Well then for Christ sakes, scratch your damn ass!” But of course you can’t say that to a little kid, can you? At least, not if you’re wearing a RGIS polo and counting wooden trains in a toy store. The whole time the kid was complaining about his itchy ass his mom never said a word. Sometimes I wonder if now, years later, the kid is still saying it.
Another kid incident happened when I was counting in an Albertson’s grocery store. This inventory was at night (start time 8:00 PM). I think the store closed at midnight, or maybe it was open 24 hours. Anyway, it was around 9:00 PM or so and I was counting dairy, or soda, or something in the cold cases. A little kid around 9 or 10 came running into my area to grab something. He, for some bizarre reason, wasn’t wearing shoes and was just in his socks. I guess the floor must have been highly waxed because when he reached the section I was counting he must have slid about 10 feet before he landed right on his butt (ass comes into play again). I asked the kid, “Hey, are you all right?” He just laughed kind of embarrassedly and said, “Yeah, I’m okay” before standing up and grabbing whatever it was he had come into the store for and leaving. Walking, not running this time.
At another Albertson’s I was counting some canned goods when these two young men came in late one night and asked me where the condoms were. I hadn’t even been in the OTC that night so I said I wasn’t sure. I explained to them that I wasn’t a store employee, I was only there doing inventory. One of the young men said very snottily to me, “Well, if you’re doing inventory then you should know where everything is, right?” Oh, really? Everything? Because little old me counted every damn thing in the whole supermarket, is that it? Me, one person, counted every single piece of merchandise in the whole goddamn place, is that what you’re thinking? You snotty little shit. But once again of course I couldn’t say what I really wanted to, since I was wearing that damn RGIS polo. So I just suggested very politely (gag) that they should check with the store personnel. They stomped off in a huff. And good evening to you too! Jerks.
Then at yet another Albertson’s (what’s with that store and their customers?) we were doing an inventory after store hours. You’d think that would keep us safe from the store’s customers but not that night. A group of teenagers came to the front door of the store and tried to get in. They were confused because:
1. All the lights in the store were on.
2. They could see people (RGIS drones) inside.
3. The doors wouldn’t open.
They started banging on the front doors and yelling something unintelligible. The store manager was in the back room so our RGIS AM went to the door and told the kids through the glass doors that the store was closed. The kids grumbled a bit and then went away. We thought that was the end of it until a few minutes later. I was counting the stuff at one of the checkout stands when I heard banging on the glass doors again. I looked up and was treated to the sight of some pressed ham under glass. That’s right, three teenagers were mooning us with their bare asses. They did so for a couple of seconds, laughed uproariously and ran off. Oh my God, I just realized. That’s another ass story!
Finally, I was counting some OTC at a Long’s Drugs once, and a store clerk was in the same aisle chatting to me about something. An old man appeared at the front of the aisle; he stood with his feet planted firmly and absolutely shouted out the word “TYLENOL!” Not, “Excuse, me, where’s the Tylenol?” or “Do you know where the Tylenol is?” but just “TYLENOL!” at the top of his lungs. The clerk turned to the guy and calmly said to him, “Are you giving a testimonial as to the wonders of Tylenol, and how much you love it? Or were you looking to buy a box of it?” The old man blinked and screamed just as loudly, “WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE TYLENOL?” The store clerk showed the old man where the pain relievers were, and then came back to me and told me that that sort of thing happens all the time, so when it does he usually liked to have some fun with the customer first. He said that the customers almost never had a sense of humor and never got the jokes. Oh well, at least he never got mooned at work.
But sometimes having the store’s customers shopping right along with us counting could be funny too, in a weird sort of way. I remember this one time when I was doing an inventory at a Toyworks (local independent toy store). It was late morning, and I think I was counting all the Brio or Playmobil or some such crap. This little boy was in the store with his mom. They spent around 15 or 20 minutes in the store and the whole time they were there the little boy kept following his mom around the store saying, “Mama, my butt itches. Mama, my butt itches. Mama, my butt itches.” On and on and on, over and over and over again, for 20 minutes! Jesus. After hearing this for just a few minutes I wanted to yell at the kid, “Well then for Christ sakes, scratch your damn ass!” But of course you can’t say that to a little kid, can you? At least, not if you’re wearing a RGIS polo and counting wooden trains in a toy store. The whole time the kid was complaining about his itchy ass his mom never said a word. Sometimes I wonder if now, years later, the kid is still saying it.
Another kid incident happened when I was counting in an Albertson’s grocery store. This inventory was at night (start time 8:00 PM). I think the store closed at midnight, or maybe it was open 24 hours. Anyway, it was around 9:00 PM or so and I was counting dairy, or soda, or something in the cold cases. A little kid around 9 or 10 came running into my area to grab something. He, for some bizarre reason, wasn’t wearing shoes and was just in his socks. I guess the floor must have been highly waxed because when he reached the section I was counting he must have slid about 10 feet before he landed right on his butt (ass comes into play again). I asked the kid, “Hey, are you all right?” He just laughed kind of embarrassedly and said, “Yeah, I’m okay” before standing up and grabbing whatever it was he had come into the store for and leaving. Walking, not running this time.
At another Albertson’s I was counting some canned goods when these two young men came in late one night and asked me where the condoms were. I hadn’t even been in the OTC that night so I said I wasn’t sure. I explained to them that I wasn’t a store employee, I was only there doing inventory. One of the young men said very snottily to me, “Well, if you’re doing inventory then you should know where everything is, right?” Oh, really? Everything? Because little old me counted every damn thing in the whole supermarket, is that it? Me, one person, counted every single piece of merchandise in the whole goddamn place, is that what you’re thinking? You snotty little shit. But once again of course I couldn’t say what I really wanted to, since I was wearing that damn RGIS polo. So I just suggested very politely (gag) that they should check with the store personnel. They stomped off in a huff. And good evening to you too! Jerks.
Then at yet another Albertson’s (what’s with that store and their customers?) we were doing an inventory after store hours. You’d think that would keep us safe from the store’s customers but not that night. A group of teenagers came to the front door of the store and tried to get in. They were confused because:
1. All the lights in the store were on.
2. They could see people (RGIS drones) inside.
3. The doors wouldn’t open.
They started banging on the front doors and yelling something unintelligible. The store manager was in the back room so our RGIS AM went to the door and told the kids through the glass doors that the store was closed. The kids grumbled a bit and then went away. We thought that was the end of it until a few minutes later. I was counting the stuff at one of the checkout stands when I heard banging on the glass doors again. I looked up and was treated to the sight of some pressed ham under glass. That’s right, three teenagers were mooning us with their bare asses. They did so for a couple of seconds, laughed uproariously and ran off. Oh my God, I just realized. That’s another ass story!
Finally, I was counting some OTC at a Long’s Drugs once, and a store clerk was in the same aisle chatting to me about something. An old man appeared at the front of the aisle; he stood with his feet planted firmly and absolutely shouted out the word “TYLENOL!” Not, “Excuse, me, where’s the Tylenol?” or “Do you know where the Tylenol is?” but just “TYLENOL!” at the top of his lungs. The clerk turned to the guy and calmly said to him, “Are you giving a testimonial as to the wonders of Tylenol, and how much you love it? Or were you looking to buy a box of it?” The old man blinked and screamed just as loudly, “WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE TYLENOL?” The store clerk showed the old man where the pain relievers were, and then came back to me and told me that that sort of thing happens all the time, so when it does he usually liked to have some fun with the customer first. He said that the customers almost never had a sense of humor and never got the jokes. Oh well, at least he never got mooned at work.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Smile, You're Working For RGIS!
I keed, I keed.
I just noticed that the comments on my last post reached the 100+ count so I thought it was time to start a new one. I haven't had the time lately to go over any more of my sweet RGIS memories and post them so I've just put this little bit of nothing here to fill in for the time being.
Has anyone ever tried searching for RGIS in Google Images? I just did and among the expected pics (audit machines, models in RGIS plastic burgundy polos) some weird stuff popped up. Fart Bomb Bags (farts in a bag, 12 count), a naked ass, weed and some really ugly sandals. What is Google trying to tell us about RGIS? Hmmm...
I just noticed that the comments on my last post reached the 100+ count so I thought it was time to start a new one. I haven't had the time lately to go over any more of my sweet RGIS memories and post them so I've just put this little bit of nothing here to fill in for the time being.
Has anyone ever tried searching for RGIS in Google Images? I just did and among the expected pics (audit machines, models in RGIS plastic burgundy polos) some weird stuff popped up. Fart Bomb Bags (farts in a bag, 12 count), a naked ass, weed and some really ugly sandals. What is Google trying to tell us about RGIS? Hmmm...
Saturday, June 14, 2008
To TP Or Not To TP? That Is The Question
Kevin was one of the most disliked district managers Santa Rosa had seen in quite some time. On the surface he could appear to be friendly and upbeat but in fact this happy-go-lucky demeanor of his masked a great incompetence in his ability to run a RGIS district. Most if not all of the auditors, team leaders and other managers in District 414 had quickly grown weary of DM Kevin’s false bravado and phony cheerfulness. Nearly everyone had a negative attitude regarding Kevin ranging from mild dislike to outright hatred. Virtually no one save an unaware newbie felt Kevin capable of making intelligent decisions in how to handle a single inventory, much less an entire district.
This contempt that almost everyone in District 414 felt for DM Kevin was not unjustified. There was a long list of troubling incidents and decisions involving Kevin that had caused his district to turn against him. There were numerous raises promised to auditors but never given, mistakes made in scheduling auditors for inventories, mistakes made as to which Team Leader or Manager should be running which store, and mistakes made as to when these inventories should be held. All of this ineffectiveness of Kevin’s left everyone in the district in a constant state of frustration and anger.
Complaining about DM Kevin and his many faults and blunders did absolutely no good. Visits paid to our district by various Operations Managers fared no better. Dist. 414’s once prestigious reputation as an efficient, well run and go-to district continued to fade with each passing day.
Auditors and TL’s would talk amongst themselves about the situation, sharing their own personal DM Kevin horror stories and expressing frustration at how nothing ever seemed to change. Venting about one’s crappy RGIS DM could be somewhat therapeutic but the benefits of merely saying, “Kevin sucks!” and doing nothing about his sucking were short-lived and ultimately unsatisfying. Real, actual, physical action needed to be taken in order to bring about some relief from our troublesome situation, and TL Heather and I believed that we had the solution.
One late Friday night during a Waldenbooks inventory (endless ISBNs) in Santa Rosa Heather and I were as usual rehashing some complaints and grudges we had against DM Kevin. We had in previous inventories discussed various ways to exact revenge on Kevin; toilet-papering his house was by far the most popular idea. At Waldenbooks that night Heather reminded me once again of our nefarious desire to TP Kevin’s house. She said that since Kevin was away on vacation at the time and was due back the next night that tonight would be the perfect time to do the TPing. I agreed and the two of us quietly canvassed the group of auditors at Waldenbooks to see if anyone wanted to join in. Only Tina and TL Mondo (who was bungling, er, running the inventory) agreed to be our accomplices. Having Mondo participate in the TPing was crucial because he alone in the group that night knew where Kevin lived. Mondo also reassured us that nothing untoward would come of our misdeeds; that Kevin would in fact regard the whole thing as a great joke and even as something ultimately positive for the district as in, “Hey, my auditors came together, bonded and did something as a real team!” Myself, Heather and Tina were actually naive enough to believe this crap.
The Waldenbooks inventory finally ended around 1:00 am. Me, Heather, Tina and Mondo each got into our respective cars and drove to the local Food 4 Less supermarket (open 24 hours) where Tina and I each bought a huge 12 roll pack of toilet paper. I’ve often wondered since then what the sleepy clerk who rang up our purchases thought about four giggling adults in matching burgundy shirts buying 24 rolls of toilet paper at 1:30 in the morning but the guy never said a word.
The four of us had decided earlier that it would be a good idea if we didn’t all drive to Kevin’s but instead we would drive to a mini-mart near Kevin’s, park there and take Tina’s car to the house. This was done and we were on our way.
I was curious as to what sort of residence a RGIS district manager could afford to rent in Santa Rosa and upon our arrival at the place I was not surprised to see a real rathole of a house. Kevin’s tiny, one story beige-colored dump looked much like all the other small, shabby homes on his street. A postage stamp-sized yard filled with sparse amounts of crushed volcanic rock and skimpy dried-up bushes fronted the sad little house. Toilet paper would only improve its looks.
Tina parked right in front of Kevin’s house and the four of us climbed out quietly. We found the dark, unlit entryway to Kevin’s front door off to the right side of the house and decided to begin there. We ripped open the packages of toilet paper and got to work.
We covered anything and everything we could reach at Kevin’s place with toilet paper. Even things that we couldn’t reach like the roof and gutters we TP’d. Each of us would take hold of the loose end of a roll of toilet paper in one hand and use the other hand to toss the roll up and over the roof. The roll would come cascading down another side of the house leaving a trail of toilet paper behind it. This process was repeated over and over again; the air was fairly thick with flying rolls of toilet paper.
Not only was it cathartic for us RGIS auditors to TP our DM’s house (take that you rat bastard Kevin!) but it was incredible fun too. The four of us were trying to be as quiet as possible while coating Kevin’s house in toilet paper but we found it difficult to stifle our laughter. I was afraid our constant giggling would awaken Kevin’s neighbors but my fears were groundless as no one turned on a single porch light or peeked out a window. In fact Mondo told us a few days later that he spoke with Kevin’s next door neighbor who told Mondo that “You guys were really good (at TPing), I never heard a thing.”
We spent nearly an hour festooning the front of the house and yard with toilet paper. I even wrapped the little dried-up shrubs with toilet paper. Then Heather made a great discovery: the gate to the backyard. The latch was on the inside of the tall gate but little Heather had somehow managed to leap up and unlatch it. We all scampered into the backyard and proceeded to trash it as well.
Not surprisingly the backyard was as dilapidated as the front. The grass/weeds were knee-high; a few skimpy rose bushes were planted along one side of the fence. So sad. Since we didn’t have too much toilet paper left we decided to forego TPing the back part of the house and instead concentrated on the yard itself. We laced and crisscrossed the tall grass with toilet paper, making a sort of gigantic checkerboard pattern on top of it. It was fantastic. I snapped several photos of our artistic achievements with my little camera. After all it was most important that our fabulous work be recorded for posterity.
While Tina decorated the rosebushes with more toilet paper I went up to the sliding glass door at the back part of the house and looked inside. Even by the faint light of the moon I could see that the kitchen was a mess, with papers strewn all over the table and countertops. What a slob Kevin was.
Finally we were down to our last few bits of toilet paper and the four of us stepped back for a moment to admire our handiwork. The backyard was a vision in toilet paper loveliness. Not even a Tonka toy dump truck, abandoned by Kevin’s ex-wife’s son, escaped our toilet paper wrath. Then Mondo added one final touch: he took the last few pieces of toilet paper and dipped them into the rainwater that had collected in the toy truck, wadded them up into soggy paper blobs and flung a bunch of them at the sliding glass door where they stuck like glue. We were done.
As we trooped out of the backyard, still giggling, Mondo pointed out Kevin’s garage window on our left. We looked inside and could see several empty 12 packs of Coors Light beer. Mondo told us that Kevin would regularly polish off a couple 12 packs of beer every weekend. I though to myself, “Hmm, I guess that explains a lot about why our district is the way that it is.”
We got into Tina’s car and drove away, pleased with our efforts and success at getting away with it all. Tina dropped us off at the mini mart and we all drove to our homes. It was quite late, around 2 or 3 in the morning but I wasn’t sleepy at all. I was jazzed and my adrenalin was pumping. Yes! We had finally achieved revenge against our lousy RGIS district manager. Score one for the lowly auditors! I finally reached my home and fell into bed.
When I woke up later that morning I realized that there was still one last thing I needed to do to complete The Great RGIS TP Caper. I got dressed and drove over to Kevin’s house. In the bright morning light Kevin’s neighborhood was even seedier-looking than it had appeared last night. I parked my car in front of Kevin’s house and took some really great photos of the place from various angles. All that toilet paper was even funnier in the daylight. I then drove over to Walmart and dropped off the film for developing.
I had a JC Penney’s inventory scheduled for later that day in Petaluma and on my way there I stopped off at Walmart to pick up the photos. They were beautiful, perfect and hilarious, especially the daylight shots of the TP’d house. It was a real toilet paper masterpiece.
At the Penney’s inventory I waited until our lunch break (a shocker I know, RGIS auditors getting a lunch break) before I went out to my car and grabbed the packet of photos. Most of the RGIS crew had gathered in the store employee’s lunch room and that’s where I went. I passed around the photos and everyone had a great laugh, snickering at the shots of Kevin’s house drenched in toilet paper. I was so proud.
A few hours later it was close to midnight and we were finishing up the inventory. I was busy scanning a rack of men’s jackets when I saw Tina hurrying over to me with a worried look on her face. She told me that Kevin had just come back home from his week-long vacation and was more than a little surprised at the sight of his house. In fact he was furious. Tina said, “Kevin just called Joe (area manager running the Penney’s inventory). He’s pissed!” She said that DM Kevin told AM Joe that he didn’t care exactly who had done it (funny that Kevin immediately knew it was his auditors that had TP’d his house and not some neighborhood kids) but that he wanted “this shit” cleaned up by the end of the day tomorrow or else.
Upon hearing this I was a little angry myself. Mondo had told us the night before that Kevin wouldn’t mind his house getting TP’d and would see the humor in it all. Aaarrggh! That’s what we got for trusting Mondo. I headed over to where Mondo was scanning some t-shirts and accosted him. “You said that Kevin wouldn’t get mad!” I fumed. “Tina just told me that he called Joe and he’s pissed off!” Mondo was nonplussed and he struggled for a reply. Finally he came up with this: “Well, if you get fired we’ll all get fired too.” Oh gee, thanks you jerk.
I flat out refused to return to the scene of the crime to clean up all that toilet paper. I feared that if I went to his house Kevin would be lying in wait and immediately upon sight of any or all of us we would be fired on the spot. I can laugh about it now, being so worried about getting fired from one of the worst jobs ever (also, since when did RGIS ever fire anyone?) but at the time I needed that shitty job and the little money it brought to me so I wasn’t taking any chances.
Heather pretty much felt the same way as I and refused to go back to Kevin’s too. In the end it was Tina and Mondo that went back to do some toilet paper picking up, and for some bizarre reason Mondo’s obnoxious brother Luis tagged along. Suck up. I heard later that when the three of them arrived at Kevin’s house and began cleaning up the mess Kevin suddenly popped out of his house with an “Aha!” and snapped a photo of them. Apparently time had healed his toilet paper wounds and as it turned out he did indeed see the humor in it all. What an asshole.
This contempt that almost everyone in District 414 felt for DM Kevin was not unjustified. There was a long list of troubling incidents and decisions involving Kevin that had caused his district to turn against him. There were numerous raises promised to auditors but never given, mistakes made in scheduling auditors for inventories, mistakes made as to which Team Leader or Manager should be running which store, and mistakes made as to when these inventories should be held. All of this ineffectiveness of Kevin’s left everyone in the district in a constant state of frustration and anger.
Complaining about DM Kevin and his many faults and blunders did absolutely no good. Visits paid to our district by various Operations Managers fared no better. Dist. 414’s once prestigious reputation as an efficient, well run and go-to district continued to fade with each passing day.
Auditors and TL’s would talk amongst themselves about the situation, sharing their own personal DM Kevin horror stories and expressing frustration at how nothing ever seemed to change. Venting about one’s crappy RGIS DM could be somewhat therapeutic but the benefits of merely saying, “Kevin sucks!” and doing nothing about his sucking were short-lived and ultimately unsatisfying. Real, actual, physical action needed to be taken in order to bring about some relief from our troublesome situation, and TL Heather and I believed that we had the solution.
One late Friday night during a Waldenbooks inventory (endless ISBNs) in Santa Rosa Heather and I were as usual rehashing some complaints and grudges we had against DM Kevin. We had in previous inventories discussed various ways to exact revenge on Kevin; toilet-papering his house was by far the most popular idea. At Waldenbooks that night Heather reminded me once again of our nefarious desire to TP Kevin’s house. She said that since Kevin was away on vacation at the time and was due back the next night that tonight would be the perfect time to do the TPing. I agreed and the two of us quietly canvassed the group of auditors at Waldenbooks to see if anyone wanted to join in. Only Tina and TL Mondo (who was bungling, er, running the inventory) agreed to be our accomplices. Having Mondo participate in the TPing was crucial because he alone in the group that night knew where Kevin lived. Mondo also reassured us that nothing untoward would come of our misdeeds; that Kevin would in fact regard the whole thing as a great joke and even as something ultimately positive for the district as in, “Hey, my auditors came together, bonded and did something as a real team!” Myself, Heather and Tina were actually naive enough to believe this crap.
The Waldenbooks inventory finally ended around 1:00 am. Me, Heather, Tina and Mondo each got into our respective cars and drove to the local Food 4 Less supermarket (open 24 hours) where Tina and I each bought a huge 12 roll pack of toilet paper. I’ve often wondered since then what the sleepy clerk who rang up our purchases thought about four giggling adults in matching burgundy shirts buying 24 rolls of toilet paper at 1:30 in the morning but the guy never said a word.
The four of us had decided earlier that it would be a good idea if we didn’t all drive to Kevin’s but instead we would drive to a mini-mart near Kevin’s, park there and take Tina’s car to the house. This was done and we were on our way.
I was curious as to what sort of residence a RGIS district manager could afford to rent in Santa Rosa and upon our arrival at the place I was not surprised to see a real rathole of a house. Kevin’s tiny, one story beige-colored dump looked much like all the other small, shabby homes on his street. A postage stamp-sized yard filled with sparse amounts of crushed volcanic rock and skimpy dried-up bushes fronted the sad little house. Toilet paper would only improve its looks.
Tina parked right in front of Kevin’s house and the four of us climbed out quietly. We found the dark, unlit entryway to Kevin’s front door off to the right side of the house and decided to begin there. We ripped open the packages of toilet paper and got to work.
We covered anything and everything we could reach at Kevin’s place with toilet paper. Even things that we couldn’t reach like the roof and gutters we TP’d. Each of us would take hold of the loose end of a roll of toilet paper in one hand and use the other hand to toss the roll up and over the roof. The roll would come cascading down another side of the house leaving a trail of toilet paper behind it. This process was repeated over and over again; the air was fairly thick with flying rolls of toilet paper.
Not only was it cathartic for us RGIS auditors to TP our DM’s house (take that you rat bastard Kevin!) but it was incredible fun too. The four of us were trying to be as quiet as possible while coating Kevin’s house in toilet paper but we found it difficult to stifle our laughter. I was afraid our constant giggling would awaken Kevin’s neighbors but my fears were groundless as no one turned on a single porch light or peeked out a window. In fact Mondo told us a few days later that he spoke with Kevin’s next door neighbor who told Mondo that “You guys were really good (at TPing), I never heard a thing.”
We spent nearly an hour festooning the front of the house and yard with toilet paper. I even wrapped the little dried-up shrubs with toilet paper. Then Heather made a great discovery: the gate to the backyard. The latch was on the inside of the tall gate but little Heather had somehow managed to leap up and unlatch it. We all scampered into the backyard and proceeded to trash it as well.
Not surprisingly the backyard was as dilapidated as the front. The grass/weeds were knee-high; a few skimpy rose bushes were planted along one side of the fence. So sad. Since we didn’t have too much toilet paper left we decided to forego TPing the back part of the house and instead concentrated on the yard itself. We laced and crisscrossed the tall grass with toilet paper, making a sort of gigantic checkerboard pattern on top of it. It was fantastic. I snapped several photos of our artistic achievements with my little camera. After all it was most important that our fabulous work be recorded for posterity.
While Tina decorated the rosebushes with more toilet paper I went up to the sliding glass door at the back part of the house and looked inside. Even by the faint light of the moon I could see that the kitchen was a mess, with papers strewn all over the table and countertops. What a slob Kevin was.
Finally we were down to our last few bits of toilet paper and the four of us stepped back for a moment to admire our handiwork. The backyard was a vision in toilet paper loveliness. Not even a Tonka toy dump truck, abandoned by Kevin’s ex-wife’s son, escaped our toilet paper wrath. Then Mondo added one final touch: he took the last few pieces of toilet paper and dipped them into the rainwater that had collected in the toy truck, wadded them up into soggy paper blobs and flung a bunch of them at the sliding glass door where they stuck like glue. We were done.
As we trooped out of the backyard, still giggling, Mondo pointed out Kevin’s garage window on our left. We looked inside and could see several empty 12 packs of Coors Light beer. Mondo told us that Kevin would regularly polish off a couple 12 packs of beer every weekend. I though to myself, “Hmm, I guess that explains a lot about why our district is the way that it is.”
We got into Tina’s car and drove away, pleased with our efforts and success at getting away with it all. Tina dropped us off at the mini mart and we all drove to our homes. It was quite late, around 2 or 3 in the morning but I wasn’t sleepy at all. I was jazzed and my adrenalin was pumping. Yes! We had finally achieved revenge against our lousy RGIS district manager. Score one for the lowly auditors! I finally reached my home and fell into bed.
When I woke up later that morning I realized that there was still one last thing I needed to do to complete The Great RGIS TP Caper. I got dressed and drove over to Kevin’s house. In the bright morning light Kevin’s neighborhood was even seedier-looking than it had appeared last night. I parked my car in front of Kevin’s house and took some really great photos of the place from various angles. All that toilet paper was even funnier in the daylight. I then drove over to Walmart and dropped off the film for developing.
I had a JC Penney’s inventory scheduled for later that day in Petaluma and on my way there I stopped off at Walmart to pick up the photos. They were beautiful, perfect and hilarious, especially the daylight shots of the TP’d house. It was a real toilet paper masterpiece.
At the Penney’s inventory I waited until our lunch break (a shocker I know, RGIS auditors getting a lunch break) before I went out to my car and grabbed the packet of photos. Most of the RGIS crew had gathered in the store employee’s lunch room and that’s where I went. I passed around the photos and everyone had a great laugh, snickering at the shots of Kevin’s house drenched in toilet paper. I was so proud.
A few hours later it was close to midnight and we were finishing up the inventory. I was busy scanning a rack of men’s jackets when I saw Tina hurrying over to me with a worried look on her face. She told me that Kevin had just come back home from his week-long vacation and was more than a little surprised at the sight of his house. In fact he was furious. Tina said, “Kevin just called Joe (area manager running the Penney’s inventory). He’s pissed!” She said that DM Kevin told AM Joe that he didn’t care exactly who had done it (funny that Kevin immediately knew it was his auditors that had TP’d his house and not some neighborhood kids) but that he wanted “this shit” cleaned up by the end of the day tomorrow or else.
Upon hearing this I was a little angry myself. Mondo had told us the night before that Kevin wouldn’t mind his house getting TP’d and would see the humor in it all. Aaarrggh! That’s what we got for trusting Mondo. I headed over to where Mondo was scanning some t-shirts and accosted him. “You said that Kevin wouldn’t get mad!” I fumed. “Tina just told me that he called Joe and he’s pissed off!” Mondo was nonplussed and he struggled for a reply. Finally he came up with this: “Well, if you get fired we’ll all get fired too.” Oh gee, thanks you jerk.
I flat out refused to return to the scene of the crime to clean up all that toilet paper. I feared that if I went to his house Kevin would be lying in wait and immediately upon sight of any or all of us we would be fired on the spot. I can laugh about it now, being so worried about getting fired from one of the worst jobs ever (also, since when did RGIS ever fire anyone?) but at the time I needed that shitty job and the little money it brought to me so I wasn’t taking any chances.
Heather pretty much felt the same way as I and refused to go back to Kevin’s too. In the end it was Tina and Mondo that went back to do some toilet paper picking up, and for some bizarre reason Mondo’s obnoxious brother Luis tagged along. Suck up. I heard later that when the three of them arrived at Kevin’s house and began cleaning up the mess Kevin suddenly popped out of his house with an “Aha!” and snapped a photo of them. Apparently time had healed his toilet paper wounds and as it turned out he did indeed see the humor in it all. What an asshole.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
I Love RGIS!
Ha! I knew that title would catch your eye. You probably thought, "What the hell? Has The Misfit finally gone over to the Dark Side?" No, of course not, never in a million years. I will never drink the RGIS Kool-Aid. No, I just noticed that the comments were adding up in the last post and thought it was time to start a new post, to make it easier for people to scroll through everyone's comments. I'm still working on my toilet paper post (see the "Emails" post for more details) so I had to come up with a little shortie like this one to fill in for the time being.
I also wanted to reiterate that I absolutely love reading everyone's comments, both about this blog and about their own past and current experiences working for RGIS. Every last tale, no matter how short or how long is endlessly fascinating to me and I once again want to thank everyone for sharing their own RGIS stories here. Please continue to do so!
I also wanted to reiterate that I absolutely love reading everyone's comments, both about this blog and about their own past and current experiences working for RGIS. Every last tale, no matter how short or how long is endlessly fascinating to me and I once again want to thank everyone for sharing their own RGIS stories here. Please continue to do so!
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