Saturday, July 15, 2006

It's All In The Mind

Several auditors in my district were completely delusional when it came to their beliefs in their own powers of attraction. I've mentioned some in previous blog entries, like Moby's yearning for Ginger, Gunther and Robby's desires for young Nicole, and Psycho Alice's crazed coveting of AM Jeff.



Another hilarious example of an RGIS auditor's hallucinatory ideas regarding themselves and their crush happened in my district. I warn you, it is funny, but it's also a bit frightening too.



The auditor was named Sonya. She was a woman in her fifties, who sported shoulder-length frizzy grey hair, a wrinkled, fuzzy face and a body that looked as though a sack of potatoes had been covered with an RGIS polo. Sonya had extremely poor posture and would constantly stand with her shoulders rolled inward and her back hunched over. She looked like Quasimodo with an audit machine and laser gun. And as if that weren't scary enough she also had a pair of breasts that hung to her waist. Someone once said that Sonya actually wore a bra but no one else in the district believed it.



This old lady auditor fell hard for a young Team Leader (or AM) named Matthew. Again, another perfect example of a person being completely out of someone's league. And being completely out of her mind. There was no way that a young guy would ever look once, much less twice at an old woman like Sonya. But that didn't stop Sonya from mooning over Matthew like a lovesick puppy dog. It really gave one the willies to think that Sonya could be so completely out of her mind as to believe that she stood a chance with Matthew. How could someone be that irrational, I wondered. I mean, didn't she have any mirrors in her home? Couldn't she see how ridiculous she was being? It was so ridiculous of Sonya the be mooning over this guy that one had to feel sorry for her.



Sonya's wild desires for Matthew at one point reached such a fever pitch that she actually went out and purchased a set of revealing lingerie and sent it to Matthew, along with a note that said something like "Wouldn't you like to see me in this?" Oh no. Try to imagine a hunched-over, lumpy old woman with breasts resting by her navel in racy, lacy underwear. Horrifying.



Matthew finally had had enough of Sonya's truly scary behavior. After she sent him the lingerie and that terrifying note Sonya was called into the district office and told to stop her stalkerish behavior. If she didn't she would be fired.



As far as I know, Sonya didn't send any more hair-raising notes or any more packages of underwear to Matthew, but she didn't stop her obsessive longing for Matthew either. And Matthew was perfectly aware of this, because when he eventually left the Santa Rosa district and transferred to the Hawaii RGIS district he left explicit instructions regarding Sonya. He said that in the event Sonya ever tried out for and won the annual RGIS Top Gun contest, she was not to be awarded the prize, which was a two week stay in Hawaii, working for the RGIS district there. He was that terrified of her. And who could blame him? What young guy would want an old woman like Sonya chasing after him? In lacy bra and panties no less.



One more thing: it got even more amusing when Marcia, Matthew's ex-wife, came back from Hawaii to our district. Matthew and Marcia had met while working in the Santa Rosa district, and all under the watchful and jealous eyes of old Sonya. When Marcia split from Matthew and returned to Santa Rosa it was all Sonya could do to be civil to her. As far as I could tell Sonya never even spoke to AAM Marcia, but instead kept a healthy distance from her. Sonya figuratively steamed with hatred at the sight of Marcia, so jealous and irrational was she in her feelings for what she considered to be her rival for Matthew. Sonya, even after several years, was still completely out of her mind regarding her interests in Matthew. When Marcia returned to our district she also brought her car, with Hawaii license plates. Sonya told everyone in our district that that car would have been hers, had Marcia not "interfered" in Sonya's and Matthew's "relationship". Isn't that laughable? And frightening? Naturally, no one took Sonya seriously except of course Sonya herself, living in her dream world.



16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Actually, there is some truth to this story. In addition to the lingerie hanging on Marty's door, there was also 1/2 of a heart locket with Shannon's name on it. Assumably, she has the other with his name. That is just restraining order creepy.

She did continue to haunt Marty in Hawaii for about 3 years. She regularly sent him cards and candy as if she was dillusional and thought they were in a relationship.

I remember a time when Shannon sat behind Marty in the Red Van and tried to massage him....He was so creeped and and cringing that he nearly went off the road.

One funny story about Shannon's first Musicland inventory. When she called out "Sku Check, Spanish CD Singles!" She generated enough spit and saliva that I thought the fire sprinklers had gone off. She had a disgusting lisp.....

Anyway, I think Marty was a pretty decent DM for RGIS and it's too bad that he got sick of the crap and left.

The Misfit said...

anonymous at 10:51 am: Oh my God if you have any more info like this please share it here. It's fascinating and priceless.

Anonymous said...

How about the time Mondo ate the cold, and rotting 5 day old pizza he forgot he left in his oven (He professed this as if he had discovered a hidden Treasure Box filled with gold)and then while counting the bottom shelf at Sprouse Reitz he sharted.....

It was rumored that he actually left skid marks from Rhonert Park to Sonoma.

And then there was Lydia........ "Hello Tootsie"

Anonymous said...

thank you so much for this blog misfit, i read through every single entry lol

i wanted to know if you can give me some advice in dealing with this company regarding late paychecks...i was a new hire and i've been waiting (and still waiting) for 2 weeks to get that first check and although it wasn't in the mail on pay day or Saturday, i was concerned anyway since i feel 2 weeks is more than enough time to set up a new hire and then give me my paycheck on time...they told me to call back on Monday and i have a feeling they aren't going to have it ready on that day anyway...i don't trust these people with my money and i was just wondering if you can provide some advice on how to raise a fuss about this instead of simply calling the corporate office and have them urge patience until they actually pay you days later after the original pay day...in other words, is there a way to get my money now?

take care of yourself and keep up the great work with this site

auditor from rgis in newark, ca

Anonymous said...

Oh good GOD!

If I was your DM and even HEARD the remote idea of something like this happening...Shannon would of gone ASAP!

We did have a slightly dilliousional AM, who while was dilliusional, she did get the job done in the end I must say.

The Misfit said...

anonymous at 2:50 pm: OMG, thank you so much. You made my day. "Sharted". Priceless. I remember Mondo eating an ancient pizza (left in the oven to ferment), but this was after Sprouse went out of business. So he must have made a habit of this.

I liked Lydia, she was a tough old broad. I liked how she didn't take crap off of anyone.


Newark: Sorry to hear about your paycheck problems. Hopefully you've received your check by now. If not, make sure that you document this in writing. Write a letter to your DM explaining about the missing/late check. Keep copies. And be sure to keep track of all hours worked, because in my district we were always getting shorted on our paychecks. Good luck and let me know if you finally got paid! Maybe someone else reading this will have some ideas.

Anonymous said...

The funny thing about Lydia... She believed that if she wasn't an hour early she was late.

There was one time that she actually side swiped a car on the freeway coming in from Guerneville and rather than stop and only be 1/2 hour early, she actually hit and ran. And then confessed to everyone.

And then there were her rum cakes. I think I avtuall caught a buzz once at an Office Depot. You could squeeze these things like a sponge and fill a shot glass. She was nuts.

Anonymous said...

Newark, we had the same problem fairly often in my glorious time at 501.
THey wouldn't send anything to us and would never remember to bring the right paychecks and stubs to the right inventories. If you really want it, we were told the best way would be to pick it up from the office. Just call first to make sure that noone's taken it for the people at an inventory you aren't working.

Misfit, I have to say that I liked the fact softline didn't generally mean climbing ladders or having to crouch or kneel in painful positions (I've got some knee problems so that means a little more to me). Also, after 7-10 hours of counting unorganized and overstocked shelves in hardline, going to help finish the clothing felt like taking a nap.

I have to say I feel slightly sorry for some of the people you're ridiculing though. with the hours we got (I guess I worked at a busy and understaffed time because I never had a problem getting shifts, but the hours always suck and they never had a good idea how long it would take), I don't think there's much opportunity to have a relationship with anyone outside of RGIS.. how the hell could you ever match schedules?

Anonymous said...

Misfit, I LOVE reading through these. Went through entire archive and read all your old posts. I'm an RGIS employee and so much of what you say is so true.
It's amazing there's so many similar stories in other districts.
I'm going to continue to read your blog and let you know my similiar stories. I was going to go back through your old entries and add my experiences but OH that would take so long. So much crap to say. I'll add things bit by bit and we can all laugh at the nonsense of RGIS.

I have been an auditor and team leader. I think I have more horror stories from the team leader's persepctive though. Oh the agony some days. Haha!

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous from Newark: Follow Misfits advice about keeping a record of all your hours. When I first started over 10 years ago, my TL gave me that advice. He said that if I ever had problems with my paycheck, I would have the date and hours I worked. I have been doing that ever since. I write down all the stores I am scheduled to do in a notebook and when I return from the store, I put down the exact hours, if I had travel pay, auto allowance, etc. It is amazing how many times your paychecks are wrong. They love to play games with the timesheets.

The Misfit said...

Newark: You also might want to check your local laws (within the city) or state laws regarding paychecks, and find out if there are time limits as to how long your employer can withhold your paycheck, for whatever reasons (late mailings, lost mailings, etc.) Once in my district the checks were almost a week late (supposedly they got "lost" in the mail), so RGIS issued us duplicate/replacement checks. You might try the state labor board and see if you can get some info there. Good luck!

anonymous at 5:29 pm: I never heard about the hit and run with Lydia. I do remember her telling me that one time she was driving and she was in a hurry (!) to get to an inventory. She said the guy driving in front of her was going to slow so she "bumped" him with her car. I wonder if this was the same incident?

Lydia's rum balls! Lol! And don't forget Donald's liquer-filled chocolates.

Another Lydia story: I remember her talking about her childhood (was it in Russia or China, I forget) and how her mother never let her wear her nice Sunday dress all day, just for church. She would make Lydia change as soon as she got home, even though Lydia wanted to wear the dress all day and promised to keep it clean. AAM Michelle overheard this and told Lydia, "Well, now you're grown up and you can wear your Sunday dress all day long if you want to." I thought that was nice.

Catty: Welcome! Thanks so much for the kind words. I'm glad you're enjoying my blog. Please continue to keep reading and posting your comments. I would love to read about your experiences with RGIS, both good and bad. Thanks again.

The Misfit said...

The STD: Welcome! (and nice display name!). I hope you'll continue to read my blog and to leave your comments. Also any RGIS experiences that you'd care to share here. It's fun to read about everyone's experiences working for RGIS.

I liked what you wrote about there being a correlation between how long you have worked for RGIS and how much you care about accuracy. Too true.

Anonymous said...

STD, I do the exact same thing! I might call one or two just for good measure, since everyone else is, but it's infrequent. Then there are the stores where the employees could care less, yet people still call for sku checks.

Anonymous said...

Marty should have gone to the police regarding Shannon's sicko crush on him. Based on how you described Shannon, prison might be the only way to keep her away from someone she coveted who wanted nothing to do with her. How does RGIS seem to attract these kind of freaks? I know the answer is as obvious as the sky is blue: no experience+no drug testing=CHAOS.

The Misfit said...

raiderhater: Yeah, I couldn't figure out why he didn't call the cops on her. I guess he was too nice of a guy and felt sorry for old-bag Shannon.

Dustin said...

I don't know about crushes or anything as I try not to involve myself with any other workers, but there are two girls working that disgust me. One looks like a zoo animal and one looks like she could weigh as much as a zoo animal. Scary.