Days Of Our RGIS Lives

At times it was like a soap opera in my district. There was so much personal turmoil going on, with everyone hating everyone else, and people saying the most terrible things about one another. It was sort of funny to observe, how a manager could be pleasant to an auditor's face, and then the minute that auditor turned around and left the manager would make fun of that auditor unmercifully. The managers also held each other in contempt, and would say mean and biting things about each other. And of course the majority of auditors couldn't stand the managers. Or each other, for that matter. There was little loyalty, as friends would gossip and mock other friends. It made for a fascinating study in human behavior.



Take the managers. DM Kenny was so bland and uninteresting in regards to forming opinions of others that he's hardly worth mentioning. I can't even recall him saying anything about his two Area Managers, Jeff and Dean. Occasionally he might make a denigrating comment regarding an auditor's counting ability, but that's about it. Once he remarked that since brothers Moby and Leo became Team Leaders they hadn't had to purchase batteries for years. He was implying that they took home boxes of the AA batteries that we used to run the audit machines. I don't know what his feelings were regarding Jeff and Dean. At times Kenny seemed like a cardboard cutout of a human being, with little emotion expressed about anyone.



AM Dean was similar to Kenny in that he didn't have a whole lot to say about anyone either. He was one of the few people though who actually made a formal complaint about Moby's disgusting body stink. Dean told us that he had complained to Kenny about Moby fouling the air in yet another inventory. Not that it did any good to complain, of course. Such grievances were duly recorded and filed away in Moby's personal file and immediately forgotten.



Of course, one thing that Kenny and Dean both seemed to agree on was Jeff's error in becoming too friendly with some of the auditors. I think a lot of people in my district privately shared this opinion of Jeff. We could see evidence of it because the F.O.J. (Friends Of Jeff) were accorded privileges like taking their own breaks whenever they felt like it and practicing haphazard attendance at inventories, with no repercussions from AM Jeff. Kenny and Dean didn't like it, but naturally didn't do anything about it.



Now, AM Jeff on the other hand was a completely different case. Jeff seemed to hold everyone in the district in contempt, DM Kenny and AM Dean included. Jeff felt that Kenny was basically a waste of space in the office, because he couldn't seem to get anything accomplished on his own. He had no respect for Kenny's ability to run an inventory and would often make disparaging remarks regarding this to various auditors. Kenny couldn't even handle the responsibility of making out the master schedules of stores and so passed that duty on to Jeff. Because of this Jeff felt that it was he who was really running the district, and would often comment on how he would make a much better DM than Kenny.



Jeff also used to make fun of Kenny's personal life too. At the time he worked for our district Kenny was married with a young son from his wife's previous relationship. When he and his wife split up Kenny was upset at losing the little boy. Jeff mocked Kenny's distress and would say things like, "Kenny's stupid for caring. That kid's not even his." He had no sympathy for Kenny's pain and only found it amusing.



And when Kenny eventually left our district Jeff was thrilled. Kenny had gotten an offer to run one of the San Jose districts. The district was in pretty bad shape, even worse than ours (My God, is that possible?). The Ops Managers basically told Kenny that if he went down to San Jose and straightened the district out he would be the Golden Boy in this division. Kenny was there in San Jose for about a month before he fucked things up royally. Of course our district gossip Moby told everyone all the gory details.



At first it started out okay for Kenny. He was put in charge of running the Home Depot inventories in our area. This was a big responsibility and rather a prestigious assignment. It was very important that the person in charge do a good job because at the time Home Depot was a brand new client and RGIS wanted to make a good impression and thus retain Home Depot as a continuing customer. So why they put Kenny in charge I'm not sure. One auditor in my district, a guy named Dylan, said that it seemed as though the Ops Managers were setting up Kenny to fail from the start. I'm not sure that Kenny had any real time to make an impression on anyone from Home Depot as he was only there in San Jose for about a month before he was fired.



According to Moby, one night Kenny went out drinking with a friend, and of course overdid it with both alcohol and drugs and wound up in the friend's hotel room, alone. He locked his friend out of the room and proceeded to tear the place apart in a booze and coke-filled rage. His friend had to call the police in order to enter the room. Kenny ended up fired from RGIS and entered a rehab program, possibly with community service required. Moby used to joke that maybe someday we might see Kenny on our way to an inventory. Every time we passed a work crew picking up trash by the side of the freeway Moby would yell out, "Everybody wave to Kenny!"



It was Moby who also told everyone that right before Kenny's hotel rampage he went out drinking one night with Carol, the San Francisco DM, a very short, very plain-looking woman, and woke up the next morning in bed with her, with no recollection of what happened the night before. Party!



When Kenny left our district Jeff was thrilled. He felt nothing but contempt for Kenny and had no problem letting other people know it. In fact, when Jeff told me that Kenny was leaving he said, "Well, one down (Kenny), one to go (Dean)." Jeff said it with this big smile on his face, like he was so happy to see Kenny go.



And with regard to Dean, Jeff felt nothing but disdain for him as well. Jeff thought Dean a useless fool who couldn't run an inventory to save his life. Many times he would complain that AM Dean had fouled up something that should have been very easy to do, like assigning people areas to count in a store. Dean once ran a Pier 1 Imports store, and had Dylan, one of the fastest counters, work one on one with a store employee, counting all the big ticket items like furniture. It was a silly waste of a fast counter. If AM Dean had been thinking clearly he would have assigned Dylan to quantity count densely packed areas like table linens, glassware, napkin rings and the like. You don't put someone like that to count areas that just have a bed and a nightstand for one whole ticket, or maybe a table and four chairs.



Jeff also used to complain that Dean always had to be told what to do, and that he couldn't think for himself. In bigger inventories like Target or Sear's, where all three managers would be present, Jeff would grumble that Dean would follow him all over the store like a little puppy, instead of going off and doing things on his own.



Jeff's pal TL Ethan used to mock Dean's slowness all the time, and told me once that he resented Dean being an Area Manager and being bossed by him because he (Ethan) had trained Dean himself. Ethan desperately wanted to be an AM, but could never secure the job because he had about a million traffic violations. Both Jeff and Ethan felt that they would make a terrific DM/AM combination, but that never happened and so they resented anyone else who held those jobs.



That the auditors loathed all the managers in my district and gossiped incessantly about them is a matter of fact. People felt an aversion to DM Kenny because of his stinginess with raises, and also because he projected an air of phony friendliness to your face, while behind your back it was something else entirely. Auditors had little respect for Dean because he seemed so empty-headed. And Jeff was disliked because he played favorites. TL Moby told everyone that AM Jeff sold weed in our district. He also told us that our new incoming DM, a guy named Dan, was gay. Moby at times claimed to be gay himself, so he said he was happy that there would be at least one other gay person in the district.



More gossip: TL Helen told us that another auditor, Susie, had told her that AM Dean (married) and an auditor named Bernice were having an affair. Susie said that she was at Bernice's house one day and Dean stopped by. He seemed really embarrassed to see Susie there, and left shortly thereafter. After Dean left Bernice told Susie about the affair.



TL Ethan used to say quite often that he and AM Jeff never listened to anything Team Leaders Moby and Leo had to say. Moby and Leo were always full of ideas on how to improve the district, and how to run inventories better but Ethan and Jeff couldn't stand the brothers and had zero respect for their opinions, so it was in one ear and out the other in regards to anything Moby or Leo had to say.



And of course auditors felt scorn and would ridicule each other as well. Everyone made fun of Moby's morbid obesity and putrid smell. They mocked Leo' pompousness and self-congratulatory air. Ethan was ridiculed for his childish temper tantrums and blatant skirt-chasing. Alice of course was jeered at for her obvious craziness. Alice and her friend, another auditor named Tami were also referred to by a number of people in the district as 'white trash'. They were very common in their behavior and manner of speech. Tami especially was guilty of such crude behavior as telling us that she called her young son a pussy for refusing to ride a roller coaster, and while riding in the company van on her way to an inventory she once flashed another car in just her bra.

Team Leader Jeb, like AM Dean, was made fun of for his stupidity and uselessness at running inventories. Slow counting feebs like Elaine and Kate were ridiculed for their incompetence. Erin (not the one who wore the bedroom slippers) was also disliked because when her boyfriend Jamie was made an AM, she herself was made a TL even though she was completely unsuited for the job. She was a horrible auditor and couldn't count to save her life, so naturally she was promoted to Team Leader. This was the kind of warped logic that went on all the time in my district.



When Elaine became a TL she put on all sorts of airs, like "Oh look at me, I have a grey shirt on, I'm carrying a portable and running inventories so I must be someone important!" It was ridiculous. People laughed at her behind her back because in reality she didn't know her ass from a hole in the ground, and couldn't run an inventory to save her life. Someone was always having to bail her out, and correct her mistakes, which were numerous. People also felt an aversion for her friend Kate, the two reasons being: 1. She was as lousy a counter as Elaine, and would spend most of her time talking during an inventory. For people like Kate and Elaine it was impossible to count and talk at the same time, so of course their scanning of clothing tags would come to a dead halt as they discussed various guys that pale, pudgy Kate had crushes on. And 2. Kate was AM Dean's daughter, and any person related to Dean was automatically rendered unlikeable. Dean had three of his kids working as auditors in our district, and both Kate and Stan were as disliked as Dean. Their brother Mark, on the other hand, was a very pleasant guy who had a friendly, sunny personality. The fact that he was Dean's adopted son, and Kate and Stan were Dean's biological children made sense, as Mark was the only one of that family anyone could stand.



Kate was yet another one of those auditors in my district that had a hopeless crush on a fellow RGIS employee. Kate spent one Barnes & Noble inventory counting books next to this guy named Maverick. Because Maverick was an amiable sort who would talk to anyone when he was bored, Kate mistook his generic friendliness for some true amorous intentions, and in the company van on the way home from the inventory went on and on to Elaine about how much Maverick was in love with her, and how she was going to slip him some kind of love note at the next inventory they would work together. I mentioned this later to one of Maverick's friends who also worked in the district and she had a great laugh at Kate's delusional behavior. This girl told me that Maverick had been complaining to her that Kate kept pestering him during inventories. He would try to slip off and count in other sections of stores to get away from her, but Kate kept following him around and yakking nonstop around Maverick, which he found incredibly annoying.



Also, most of the veterans couldn't stand Jamie, who was Elaine's boyfriend and was promoted from auditor to TL to AM in a short amount of time due to the district's desperation for anyone to fill those positions. Anybody who was upright and breathing was given a chance at being a TL or AM, even someone like Jeff who hadn't been working at RGIS very long and was mostly inefficient at running an inventory. His arrogance rubbed everybody the wrong way, especially as it was so misplaced. He wasn't one-eighth as talented as he thought he was. When he left the district (after getting another auditor, his girlfriend Elaine's best friend pregnant) everyone was happy to see him go.



An auditor named Gunther was disliked because he was an F.O.J. (Friend Of Jeff), and was the most blatant at taking advantage of this. Every inventory that Gunther did would see him take at least a dozen or so smoke breaks. He would just wander out of the store whenever he felt like it, without asking permission or waiting for an official break to be called. He would also show up late for practically every inventory, but never be chastised about this because of his exalted position as an F.O.J. Once Gunther didn't show up for an Albertson's inventory at the 4:00 am start, and on a break 3 hours later AM Jeff called him to find out what happened. I overheard Jeff cooing on the phone to his friend Gunther, "Hey, buddy, what's going on? Are you okay? What happened? Did you sleep in?" Oh, sickening! If that had been any one of the rest of us Jeff would have called us 5 minutes after the inventory began and chewed our asses out for being late. Once I was 30 minutes late to a Border's inventory because I had a flat tire and had to wait for the AAA car service to come and help me change the tire. Even though I called Jeff immediately to inform him of my situation and shot right to the store as soon as the spare was on my car, I still got written up by that asshole. That's the way it was in my district. The F.O.J.'s got the royalty treatment and the rest of us got the shaft.



Gunther was also scoffed at because he was a notorious cherry-picker. He was so lazy at inventories that at times he moved down an aisle counting at the speed of a sloth. He hated doing anything that would require him to physically stir the air by keying in lots of items in a store, so instead of taking the next available aisle he would skip over a few and do something really easy like diapers. Gunther also was the biggest moocher of rides in the district. Boozy Gunther had no car of his own, and this forty-something man who still lived with his parents would often prevail upon auditor Robby or AM Jeff for rides to and from various inventories, even though his parent's home was way out of their way and auditors were supposed to provide their own transportation.



Gunther was yet another one of those auditors who had a ridiculous crush on someone much younger, à la Moby and Alice. Gunther had the hots for Nadine, a pretty young girl in her twenties. Being that Gunther was a white-bearded, disheveled man in his late forties meant that of course he could never get anywhere with Nadine. But that didn't stop this hobo-looking old man from flirting with an out-of-his-league young girl.



Robby was another one of the F.O.J.'s, but that didn't prevent Jeff from making fun of his friend. Robby was another guy that had a crush on Nadine, and as with Gunther it was a hopeless one. Robby too was in his forties, and was even more physically unattractive than Gunther. Robby was short, round, and had a face that only a mother could love. He was so far out of Nadine's league that it was laughable and more than a little pathetic to see him chasing after her.



Robby was so desperate to win over Nadine that he would do things like pay her cell phone bills and lend her cash, all in the hopes that that might cause Nadine to see him in a different light. But it didn't work, as seen in any light Robby was much too homely for any girl to want. Robby at times too seemed to recognize the hopelessness of his situation and once remarked to TL Ethan, "If only she (Nadine) would give me a chance." That Ethan was Robby's friend and would share this confidence of Robby's with the entire district only went to show how there was no loyalty between the F.O.J.'s, even by Jeff himself.



Once during a Kmart inventory Robby became upset that Jeff had assigned Nadine to count an area far away from him. Even though we were less than an hour into the inventory Robby was so despondent that he decided to leave abruptly. He came over to say goodbye to Ethan, and when Robby left Ethan came over and told me the reason why Robby had gone. Jeff came over too and the two of them had a grand time making fun of Robby and laughing at him with Jeff saying to Ethan, "I thought I was going to have to baby you," because Ethan's girlfriend Eden had left for college a few days earlier.



Poor Robby. I often wondered if he realized how much his 'friends' Ethan and Jeff made fun of him. I too wondered why he would hang out with those two. I mean, Ethan and Jeff were handsome young guys in their early thirties, and it must have been hard for Robby, a short, round,  unattractive man in his forties. Perhaps he thought that by hanging around Jeff and Ethan, he could maybe pick up whatever girls that they cast aside. It never happened though.